Friday, April 13, 2012


Dear Friend,   Hi, this is Katherine with a Calling in "The One" Tip to support you
in attracting your soulmate.

Now, In a perfect world, the search for your soulmate would be
filled with a sense of possibility, excitement, anticipation and joy.

However, many of us, deep down inside, harbor doubts that we
will ever find true love, and have countless reasons why love is
for other people, and not for us.

This sense of non-possibility can make looking for love a
confusing, anxious and maybe even painful process.

One of the ways we feel powerless to find love is around the
insecurities we carry about our weight, our age or our looks.
We may even feel shackled to a life of loneliness or invisibility
because of some perceived physical imperfection.

If you've ever felt this way, please know that the real obstacle
to love is never about your weight, the perceived imperfections
of your body, or even about the wrinkles looking back at you in
the morning mirror.

The external reasons we tell ourselves about why we may never
find love are unique to each of us...

My hair is too thin, my thighs too big, my nose too long, my waist
too thick. And the hardest part is that we actually believe them to
be true! Until, that is, we take a closer look.

So right now, I'm going to invite you to set them all aside and begin
to stand in a place of possibility.

And to help you enter this space of limitless possibility for love, I'm
going to share with you a story about a woman I coached recently
who was convinced, like so many of us, that love was for others...
but not her.

Stephanie knew her pattern in love was to never be noticed by men.

She felt invisible to men and she blamed this entirely on her weight.
She admitted with a deep sense of shame in her voice that she would
go out often to social events with her girlfriends and that everyone
else got hit on and asked out... except for her.

Yet rather than collude with her sad story, I asked her how she might
be showing up in ways that would actually cause men to avoid her
and not even try to approach her.

She thought about it for a moment before replying, "Well, I think I
avoid eye contact. I pretend to be interested in something else. Or I
just focus on my girlfriends and the people I'm with. Or I talk to people
who I'm not really interested in."

She admitted that overall, "It's been kind of hidden to me, what it is
I'm doing and how I'm relating to men in ways that may actually be
creating what I don't want to happen."

You too may find, as Stephanie did, that as you begin to dig deeper
into the ways you're co-creating your reality, that you may be relating
to others in ways that are impacting how they see you, or whether or
not they actually see you at all!

As she and I continued to peel away the layers of her experience, she
began to see how she was the source of her seeming invisibility.

Even though it occurred like it was happening to her, she could suddenly
see how it was happening through her.

The obstacles to finding love, she discovered, had to do with all the
ways she was limiting her own possibilities for love and were not
necessarily about her weight at all!

As a preemptive strike against being rejected, Stephanie had been
putting up walls and signaling to the men she found attractive that
she wasn't available to be approached.

And so, without meaning to, she shut men out who might otherwise
have been interested in her.

Your First Step Toward Finding Your Soulmate
Just like Stephanie, the most powerful first step you can take towards
finding love is to look to see how you can take personal responsibility
for how you are showing up in ways that are keeping it at bay.

These ways will often be invisible to us, so consider asking your closest
friends for insights into how you may be co-creating your experience.

Such feedback may be hard to hear at first, but you'll be so glad!
Because these are things you have control over.

They are things you can change.

If you relate to Stephanie, I invite you to imagine for a moment, what
life and love could be like for you if you just actually fell in love with
your body, and with your life...  just as it is. Just as you are.

Because when you do, without changing a thing about your external
experience, you will be shocked to discover that in having this whole
new relationship with yourself, that suddenly you become irresistibly
magnetic to others and you will begin to have a completely different

Because people can sense it when you don't like your body.

Both men and women are most attracted to people who are comfortable
in their own skin, who feel confident, at ease with themselves, and
sensual in their own bodies.

You can cultivate this delicious relationship with yourself, and this
magnetic presence with others, without losing any weight or fixing
whatever you think is broken or wrong with you.

Believe me, I've seen it countless times!

One of my favorite Calling in "The One" stories is about another one
of our students, a lovely woman in her late thirties named Anna who
weighed over 300 pounds.

Anna had a big story like you might have about how she was not
attractive enough to find love, and why she would never find a man
to build a life with.

Yet, we recently received an email from Anna telling us that because
of the work she did with us, and the shifts she made in her relationship
with her own body, that she's now coming up on her fifth wedding
anniversary with a wonderful man.

They're very happily married, and even though he himself is not a big
man, he loves Anna just the way she is.

So I encourage you to just throw away those old ideas about what's

Just be willing to hang them up in the closet for a while. Immerse
yourself instead in the space of total possibility. I assure you, you can
create exceptional love right now, just as you are!

My third book, Pocket Guide to Fitness, is available on and If you look up my name on those Web sites, you will find my other books The Boy in a Wheelchair and Life, Work and Play: Poems and Short Stories. These two books are on my Web site and like, if you so see fit, my book page at

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